Episode 346: Andi Andrew That Sounds Fun Podcast with Annie F. Downs
Annie: I've had my heart broken in romantic relationship, not even on the same scale as a
friendship breakup. And nobody talks about it, Andi. You're the first person to write
a book that even touches on this that I've ever seen. I know because I've looked for
it.
Andi: Well, and you know what's funny is I looked for this book, too. And I think I just
had to fight so hard for my friendships and relationships. And I would say I still
am. I would love to say, as a 43-year-old woman with four kids, and one that's
going to graduate as of next year, you know what I mean? I would love to say, "You
know what? Nailed it. I'm so great at this now!"
But I still have to overcome so much to step in, have good boundaries, have
genuine, honest conversations. And some friendships that are totally unhealthy, all
of those different things. But I looked for this book too.
Annie: Because no one had told me how to survive. I mean, everybody teaches you how to
handle a breakup with a dude, no one tells you how to handle a breakup with a
friend. I'm in the same situation where we've reconciled and that does not always
happen. But we're in each other's lives again, but I mean, it was years of silence, I
mean, actual years, and the worst pain I've experienced. And the Lord really taught
me what I carried in that and what I didn't. And as with most painful things, it was a
gift too.
Will you talk to our friends who... I mean, I just would love to spend a few minutes
on this because no one talks about it, about how do we hold and manage the shame
we feel around a friendship breaking up? Because I felt shame. Did you feel
shame?
Andi: Yes, totally. Because there were people watching as well. And the wild thing with
my friend Tanya, which again, she is okay for me to give her name, she's in the
book, was that she never stopped going to our church. I mean, we pastor and lead a
church at present in New York City and beyond. But like we live here in New York.
And what was kind of wild at that time is that we had this separation, but she didn't
go anywhere, she didn't leave, people noticed it because they know how close we
were. And it was embarrassing.
And also at the same time, when you're in this point of leadership and people know
that you're friends, like leave the church. People are watching me. They're watching
me fail, they're watching me lead, they're watching me try to figure out what to do.
And yeah, there was absolute shame in that. And the biggest thing that I could do