THESIS STATEMENTS
Every paper needs a main idea or thesis that the rest of the paper supports or proves. The
thesis statement usually appears early in the paper, at the end of its introduction: it is then
restated in the concluding paragraph. A strong thesis statement narrows your focus down to a
position that promises to interest and inform your readers. In writing it, you are:
■ Focusing on one idea
You may have several things you want to say about your subject, but your paper must focus
on one overall point. If you can connect your other ideas to that point, great! If not, you’ll need
to save them for some other paper.
1. WEAK This book was popular because it had an independent heroine, a strong
moral message, and a happy ending.
(If these are really three unrelated issues, the writer will have to choose
one. If both the heroine and the ending can be connected to the book’s
message, the thesis should focus on what they have in common.)
BETTER This book was popular because it had a strong moral message
emphasizing the rewards of independence.
2. WEAK College students shouldn’t have to take a required core curriculum, and
many core courses are graded too stiffly.
(These are two different issues, so the writer has to choose one.)
BETTER College students shouldn’t have to take a required core curriculum.
■Narrowing your topic
Your point needs to be specific enough for you to explore it thoroughly during your paper.
Avoid sweeping statements that cover large groups, areas, or time periods: they’re hard to
back up in detail and can rest on assumptions you may not have enough research to support.
1. WEAK The technological changes of the last hundred years have been amazing.
(This is a huge topic, covering everything from genetically modified foods
in India to the Ipod. Choose one kind of technology or one perspective.)
BETTER Over the last 20 years, changes in technology have made a profound
difference in the way American college students communicate.
2. WEAK People today aren’t as patriotic as they used to be.
(This is too big a topic, and it also implies that you have a lot of specific
information about exactly how patriotic people were in the past. If you
don’t, be very careful about any generalizations you make.)
BETTER The contrast between these groups of songs suggests that American
teenagers today aren’t as patriotic as they were in the 1950's.
■Clarifying your terms
Your thesis should be as clear and precise as possible.
1. WEAK Gun control endangers ordinary citizens.
(The writer must identify what she means by gun control).
BETTER Laws requiring background checks and waiting periods for rifles and
handguns are endangering ordinary citizens.
2. WEAK ISU needs better parking facilities.
(The writer needs to state what he’s proposing.)
BETTER ISU needs to build an elevated parking garage on its lower campus.
■Taking a position
Your thesis tells the reader what you’ve decided, after considering the evidence. Instead of a
statement of fact, it should be arguable--a claim that reasonable people can disagree with.
After all, if you’re just stating something that readers already know, then why should they read
your paper?
1. WEAK Many thoughtful proposals for school funding have been made.
(The writer should say which proposal he is supporting.)
BETTER Idaho needs to put its 1% sales tax increase in a state-run education fund.
2. WEAK A vegetarian diet has advantages and disadvantages.
(The writer needs to say what side she ultimately comes down on. She
should also find an angle on the subject that will prevent her paper from
simply repeating a list of well-known facts.)
BETTER Older adults should consider the health benefits of a vegetarian diet.
3. WEAK Drunk driving is a serious problem with long-lasting consequences.
(Does anyone not believe that drunk driving is serious? Since all that’s
really argued about is how to stop it, that’s what a paper on the topic
should focus on.)
BETTER An offender’s driver’s license should be automatically suspended after a
drunk driving conviction.
■Sharing common ground
A thesis that’s purely personal will quickly lose the interest of most readers.
WEAK U2 is my favorite band.
(This isn’t arguable: the writer knows her preferences better than the
readers do. But why would the readers care? Instead, the writer should
tell her readers something they may find themselves interested in.)
BETTER The band U2 is popular in part because their songs connect
spiritual and political themes.
■Showing confidence
Your paper’s thesis is your opinion about a topic you’ve researched and thought about. That’s
understood, so express your opinion with confidence! While it’s fine (and often a good idea) to
use words like “some” and “may” to make sure you’re not claiming more than you can support,
you should avoid unnecessary phrases like “I think” and “It seems to me.” (Be aware, too, that
many teachers object to phrases like “In this paper I will argue”).
WEAK In my opinion, high school students will not be helped by an extra year of
required math, although I may be wrong.
(Lose the “in my opinion”-- of course it’s your opinion! And never include
a phrase like “although I may be wrong” in your thesis: if you don’t believe
you’re right, then who else will?)
BETTER Many high school students may not be helped by an extra year of math.
■Making a contract
Many thesis statements combine a statement of the paper’s main idea with an overview of how
that idea is going to be developed. This statement is sometimes called a sentence of
division, an essay map, or a contract with the reader, and it traditionally appears as the last
sentence of a paper’s introduction. For example:
Our current healthcare system is unworkable because it injures American industry’s
ability to compete overseas, because it allows insurance companies to make medical
decisions, and because it leaves many people uninsured.
The “thesis” part of this sentence is simply “our current healthcare system is unworkable.”
Because the sentence goes on, however, the readers now know that the body of the paper will
address three main subtopics in a specific order: (1) industry’s healthcare costs, (2) medical
decision-making, and (3) the problems of people without insurance.
You can usually choose whether to include a sentence of division or not--but once you do so,
you have to follow it exactly. You can’t follow the thesis sentence above with sections about
(1) problems of people without insurance, (2) medical decision-making, and (3) overconsuming
healthcare. So, if your draft doesn’t match your essay map, you have two choices:
o You can move your paragraphs around so that they match the essay map,
cutting out any sections that don’t fit it and adding any that you’ve forgotten, or
o You can rewrite the essay map to fit what you’ve actually written. Much easier!
■Practice
Identify any problems with the following statements and revise them if needed:
1. This paper will discuss the advantages and disadvantages of majoring in English.
2. I really enjoyed my vacation in California’s wine country.
3. I am going to discuss the effects of radiation.
4. The cost of education rises every semester.
5. I believe that children today are forced to grow up much faster than they used to be,
although that might not be true.
6. To really make sure no child is left behind, our schools need serious reform.
7. Every college student should learn how to manage money and raise a family.
■Discussion
1. What position are you taking? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, or vice versa? One
possible revision: “Although English degrees rarely lead directly to high-paying jobs, majoring in English
can help students succeed in any career they later choose.”
2. You’ll need to find something of more general interest to focus on. What made it enjoyable? One
possible revision: “California’s wine country has become a consumer paradise, offering wonderful
shopping, dining, and leisure activities even to someone who doesn’t drink.”
3. What are you going to say about them? What point are you hoping to make? And what kind of exposure
do you have in mind: Xrays? Bombing? Cancer treatment? One possible revision: “While many cancer
patients dread radiation treatments, knowing what to expect can make the experience more bearable.”
4. Yes, it does, and your readers already know it. What can you say that they don’t know? (You may need
to do some more research.) One possible revision: “The spiraling cost of health care is raising the cost of
education every semester.” Or, “To reduce the recent trend of tuition increases, ISU should impose a
hiring freeze.”
5. Cut “I believe.” Cut “although that may not be true.” Now, what do you know to be true? What does
“grow up” mean, and what “used to be” are you thinking of? (In earlier centuries in the United States,
most children left school for work in their early teens). Say exactly what you mean--and make sure your
comparisons refer to a time you do know about. One possible revision: “Elementary-school aged children
today are exposed to a more sexualized culture in terms of dress, toys, and television than their
grandparents were even in high school.” Then make sure your paper follows your essay map!
6. Ok, but what kind of reform? One possible revision: “To really make sure no child is left behind, we will
need to go to a twelve-month school year.”
7. You’ve got two good paper topics here: choose one or the other. Even though you could combine the two
issues by discussing “life skills,” doing so wouldn’t leave you much room for the level of detail essential to
a good paper. One possible revision: “Every college student should learn how to manage money.”
Last Revised Fall 2016
Pocatello
REND 323
208-282-4823
ISU Writing Center
Student Success Center
www.isu.edu/success/writing
Idaho Falls
CHE 220
2082-7925
