Social
Survival Guide
page 1
Contents
Welcome to College .....................................................3
Basic Strategies for Successful Relationships
..............4
Steps Toward Self Awarenes and Acceptance
..............6
Healthy and Unhealthy Friendships
..............................7
Roommates 101
............................................................11
Working in Groups
.......................................................15
How to Network Effectively
.........................................19
Talking to Professors and Supervisors
........................23
Social Media and Relationships
...................................26
Relationship with Family
.............................................28
Harassment
..................................................................30
How to Support a Friend
..............................................33
For International Students
............................................34
Resources
.....................................................................36
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Welcome to College
The time to discover passions, expand the mind and meet amazing people is nally
here. However, college experiences can also have signicant challenges. Let’s be
honest: it’s not always full of butteries and sunshine. Fulllment and excitement
will coexist with stress and frustration, and one of the largest factors that inuence
your well-being in college is the formation and maintenance of relationships. To
help smooth out this process, we’ve compiled some tips and strategies to help you
successfully create and manage quality relationships with friends, family, faculty
and professionals at school, work and home.
***Please note: Check out our companion booklet How To Be Sexcessful, which
offers comprehensive tips and strategies for enjoying physically and emotionally
safer, pleasurable, fullling, intimate and sexual experiences.
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Basic Strategies for
Successful Relationships
Imagining Others Complexly
1) Practice positive thoughts.
Practice empathy for others as well as for yourself.
2) Stay in the present.
Focus on xing the specic situation you’re in, rather than imagining all the
stressful events that might occur in the future.
3) Communicate with others.
The following tips can help you navigate the trickier aspects of communication:
• Listen to others. In certain situations, especially when someone is upset and
looking to vent, listening is best. Resist giving advice unless you are asked. If
you are unsure if someone is seeking advice, say, “Are you looking for empathy
(active listening) or strategy (problem solving)?”
• Use “I” statements. Try not to accuse. “I” statements reduce the likelihood of
a defensive response. For example, “I feel angry when you leave dirty dishes
around the house because I am the one who ends up cleaning them.” vs. “You
make me so mad when you leave dirty dishes around the house!”
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• Ask yourself is what’s coming out of my mouth productive toward a solution?
Try to be and stay self-aware throughout the interaction.
• Speak up early. If you suppress your emotions about an issue, a heated moment
can trigger an explosion. Instead, think through what you want to say and voice
your feelings before getting to a boiling point.
4) Manage conflicts.
In most relationships, conict is inevitable. If you nd yourself in an argument,
try these tips to help improve the situation:
• Keep on topic. Keep the conversation about the specic, current issue.
Try not to bring up past issues or frustrations.
• Be honest. Be direct and as clear as you can about why you are upset and
what you would like to accomplish by bringing up the concern.
• Don’t make it personal. Keep the argument about the issue or behavior that
is causing the problem, not about the person you are speaking to.
• Be willing to compromise. Do not think in terms of winning the argument.
You are trying to resolve a problem and doing so involves compromise.
• Know when to stop. Be willing to step back, assess the conversation and then
shift the focus to working out a solution/compromise.
• Have a third party mediate. If you believe you cannot resolve the conict
on your own, bring in an objective voice. This can be someone like a resident
adviser, another roommate or a mutual friend who can help mediate discussions.
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Steps Toward Self
Awareness and Acceptance
1) Know your limits.
In stressful situations, determine which factors you can change and which are
out of your control. Then focus your energy only on things you can change.
2) Take care of yourself.
Developing and maintaining relationships can be exhausting. Some of us
may need to take time to recharge — and it’s completely okay to take a break from
interactions and engage in some alone time. Being alone does not equate to
loneliness — during this time, seek out personal hobbies and explore your own interests.
3) You’ll still stress out, and it’s OK.
Being stressed by situations or individuals is not a sign of weakness or that you are
not good at having relationships with others — feeling some stress is normal since
it’s a part of personal growth. Recognizing and accepting that something or someone
is causing you stress is the rst step in developing the tactics necessary to improve
the situation.
One Last Note
Building healthy relationships is a constant process. Every relationship at various stages
of your life is unique. From roommates, to co-workers, job supervisors, professors and
TAs, each of these relationships has its own dynamic qualities. Try to be forgiving to
yourself and to those in your life as you learn to navigate them.
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Healthy and Unhealthy
Friendships
page 8
Are You Taking the Right Dose?
You’ve probably noticed that not all friendships are equal in the time and energy they
require. Advice columnist Captain Awkward recommends visualizing your friendships
in terms of their “dosage,” meaning how often you want to see or contact the other
person for the relationship to feel happy and healthy. There may be friendships where
the perfect dose is meeting once every two months for coffee, while for others it is
seeing each other almost every day. Expecting different dosages with different people
will help minimize any pressure for you to be best friends with all of your friends at
all times.
Indicators of Healthy and Unhealthy Friendships
Use the following two checklists to help you determine if a friendship is healthy or
unhealthy and what, if any, action you’d like to take.
While most people will not display every green ag, if a majority of them are present,
it is likely that the friendship is healthy.
Green Flags for a Healthy Friendship
• They communicate emotions
clearly and early.
• They have interests and support
outside of their relationship with you.
• They ask for and listen to your opinions.
• You feel safe disagreeing with them.
• They admit and apologize for mistakes,
rather than blaming others.
• They support you when you want them to.
• If you ask for space, your request
is respected.
• They help set and maintain boundaries
within the relationship.
• They show respect and kindness
toward others.
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• They communicate emotions
clearly and early.
• They have interests and support
outside of their relationship with you.
• They ask for and listen to your opinions.
• You feel safe disagreeing with them.
• They admit and apologize for mistakes,
rather than blaming others.
• They support you when you want them to.
• If you ask for space, your request
is respected.
• They help set and maintain boundaries
within the relationship.
• They show respect and kindness
toward others.
Red ags signal that a relationship is not healthy and may be abusive. While not
every person shows the same signs or displays them to the same extent, the presence of
these red ags increases the likelihood that the relationship is unhealthy, and you will
want to reevaluate keeping this person in your life. If the relationship feels unsafe,
you can also check out the harassment section of this booklet (page 28) for further
information, or refer to the back of this booklet for a list of helpful resources.
Red Flags for an Unhealthy Friendship
• They question you extensively about how
you spend your days, try to monopolize
your time, control where you go,or whom
you see.
• They expect you to be perfect and
depend on you for emotional needs.
• They rarely accept responsibility.
• They use force during arguments such as
breaking things, restraining you, lashing
out with a hand or other object, or shouting
in your face.
• They use threats to force you to do things.
• They hide objects (keys, cell phone)
to make you feel absent-minded.
• They contradict your version of events so
you feel as if you can no longer trust your
own judgment.
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Exiting a Friendship
If you decide that you want to end a friendship, here are a few tips to help you through
the process. It is natural to feel guilt when deciding to exit a friendship, but this does
not mean that you are a bad person or selsh — make sure to take initiative for your
own happiness.
Know your comfort zone. You don’t have to be friends with everyone. Choose to
surround yourself with positive people who you truly enjoy spending time with.
Fade out. Gradually ease out of the person’s life. Stop initiating contact with the
person and give shorter and shorter responses if they contact you until you cease
all communication.
Be direct. If fading out does not work or you prefer directness, this is a good option.
Plan what you would like to say, and remember that it helps to be concise, polite and
rm. If telling them in person does not seem possible, consider sending a letter, email
or text.
Minimize contact. If you are at a social event and run into someone with whom you
have ended a friendship, you can be friendly and polite but keep interactions to a minimum.
It is natural to feel guilt when deciding to exit a
friendship, but this does not mean that you are a
bad or selfish person.
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Roommates 101
page 12
Getting along with your roommates involves three Cs: Communication, Courtesy and
Compromise. Whether your roommates are complete strangers or great friends, not
everybody will have the same preferences or habits when it comes to sharing living
situations. Setting ground rules, listening and respecting each other’s opinions and
needs and recognizing that you may have to compromise on some previous freedoms
are important aspects of living comfortably with others. Let’s take a closer look at the
three Cs.
1) Communication
Be clear about what you want and need when it comes to your living space and the
relationship that you would like to have with your roommates. For example, do you
have objections to them eating your food? How long are you okay with them leaving
their dishes in the sink? How often would you like to hang out with your roommate
when you are both home? It’s also important to ask and listen to your roommate’s
thoughts on these and other topics. While it may be uncomfortable at times to
discuss these issues, communication is essential to build understanding and
minimize frustrations.
More Questions to Consider Asking a Roommate
• What time do you prefer to go to sleep?
• What is an acceptable level of noise?
• What time would you like quiet hours to begin and end?
• What’s your preferred study environment?
• What are your preferences around using the AC/heater?
• Is it okay to have visitors over while you are studying? Sleeping? Can guests
stay overnight? If so, how frequently?
• If I have a visitor over, would you be more comfortable if they stay in my
room/on my side of the room?
• Are you comfortable with visitors of a different gender expression than your own?
Getting along with your
roommates involves three Cs:
Communication, Courtesy and
Compromise.
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Additional Questions for O-Campus Current and Prospective
Roommates
• Who is responsible for getting the rent payments to the landlord?
• How will rent be divided?
• Will food and household items (toilet paper, dish soap, appliances) be shared?
• Questions about utilities such as gas, electric, Internet and cable, if applicable
(e.g., when should heating and air conditioning be used, if at all? Energy
conservation concerns?)
• If food and household items are being shared, how are they being paid for?
• How are utilities like power and Internet being paid for?
• Are there pets? Who is taking care of the pets? Where are pets allowed?
• Recreational habits: Do you use alcohol/tobacco/other drugs or are you
comfortable or not comfortable with alcohol/tobacco/other drugs?
• What will be the accessibility accommodations for those who have disabilities?
• Are there allergies to be mindful of (with food, scents, materials, etc.)?
• How do you want to divide refrigerator and pantry space?
• Should/can bikes be kept inside (in the common area, balcony, bedrooms)
or outside?
• If you have a partner over, should I knock? How do you want to indicate to me
when you’d like privacy (like having a code word or sticking a piece of paper on
the door)?
Pro Tips for Cleanliness
Another issue that roommates often deal with is the cleanliness of shared living
spaces. Keep in mind that the very denition of “clean” is spectacularly varied among
different individuals—make sure to express what “clean” means to everyone in the
house. Does it constitute making the oor so spotless one can eat off of it? Or is it just
simple sweeping once a week? Talk with your roommates to set up ground rules for
cleanliness, when certain chores need to happen and who is going to do them.
There are chore charts and chore wheels available on the Internet to help keep the
apartment clean and expectations clear. Make it every individual’s responsibility to
enforce chore schedules once they have been established — that way, there is more
accountability and higher likelihood of tasks getting done.
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2) Courtesy
Showing courtesy toward your roommate is a basic component of healthy interactions
and it helps minimize conict. Be respectful of your roommate’s preferences, habits,
belongings and space. However, this certainly does not require you to accommodate
their every need (see Compromise, below). Being mindful of how the other person
may feel and staying open to discussing those feelings are essential to healthy
roommate relationships.
We all like to think of ourselves as the good roommate, but take time to self reect and
look at your own habits from someone else’s eyes. See if you can spot potential issues.
Healthy roommate relationships require being aware of how your own actions affect
others. Ask for and be open to feedback from your roommates.
3) Compromise
It’s rare that everyone will get everything they want and need from the living situation.
When an issue does arise, talk to your roommate about it as soon as possible. If, for
whatever reason, you are not comfortable bringing issues up in the company of your
roommate, you can ask to involve a neutral third party, such as an outside friend or a
residence hall advisor, to help mediate the discussion.
Roommate bonding is not a one-way street. Sensitivity to others’ needs and preferences
and the willingness to address them are necessary from both sides for a more pleasant
time. Be aware of cultural impacts, religious preferences and differences in ability among
those who share living quarters with you.
Remember, there’s no pressure for you to become best friends with your roommate—
these are conict-reducing tips to help bridge communication and grow empathy for a
smoother roommate and housemate experience.
Sensitivity to others’ needs and preferences
and the willingness to address these needs are
necessary from both sides
for a more pleasant time.
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Working in Groups
page 16
Ah, group work. In both college and professional life, it’s to your benet to know how
to manage relationships that come with working on group projects. After all, this is an
effective way to complete assignments. However, the experience can become quite an
unpleasant one if there is a lack of communication, an unequal sense of commitment
and/or respect among group members. Never fear—there are ways the group
experience can be enhanced to jump start productivity and create some meaningful
relationships along the way.
Why Groups?
Group work is an opportunity to expand the mind, since we are often limited by the
scope of our knowledge and experience. Other group members’ input on an idea or
task gives the group a more holistic approach and greater bandwidth when problem
solving or completing assignments. Offering different perspectives from your own, other
group members can be great motivators in tackling the project with a fresh approach.
The convenient peer pressure from working in a group may help prevent you from
jumping onto the procrastination train as well.
Stitching a successful group experience together
1) Have a concrete plan
The rst time you meet as a group, create a timeline for the assignment that includes
deadlines, dates to check progress and who will do which tasks. Plan a time cushion:
set due dates a few days before the established deadlines in case something goes
wrong or there are last minute changes. Once these dates are made, try your best
to stick to them and communicate often and early if obstacles come up.
2) Get to know each other and establish roles
Assigning tasks to each member based on their skill and interest level will help
group work feel more enjoyable and efcient. Share strengths and weaknesses with
each other. For example, if the collaborative project is a writing assignment, one
person may be in charge of editing, another content and another critiquing
the writing.
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3) Share ideas and be inclusive
Be active in discussions and make sure your input is heard. Initiating, seeking
clarication, questioning, summarizing and organizing ideas are all important things
to keep in mind while progressing toward a shared goal. When trying to settle
disputes or controversial ideas, try separating ideas from the people who suggest
them (e.g., “the fanmail idea” instead of “Bob’s idea”).
Monopolizing the conversation, however, is not conducive to effective group
work. Encourage less talkative members into discussions by creating an open
environment—less talkative members often have valuable contributions to the
project, but may not have the chance to speak up (e.g., some people need some time
to process their thoughts). Outward expressions of gratitude or general responsiveness
to accomplishments or remarks promotes warm, fuzzy feelings and a sense of belonging.
4) Focus, but sprinkle in some fun
After adhering to the above, the group environment may still be missing some
humanity. Getting off topic or maintaining a more relaxed environment is not
necessarily a bad thing, for it promotes cooperation and closeness within the team.
Have fun with your group, but also attend to the work at hand.
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5) Conflicts
In the event that a group member is not completing their tasks, speak up about it
and try to work out a solution. For example, if there is one individual who consistently
misses meetings, approach them about it. If that isn’t effective, talk to your professor,
teaching assistant or supervisor sooner rather than later, to avoid having the deadline
looming in your head.
“Have no fear of perfection – you’ll never reach it”
Above are some wise words from Salvador Dali. Not everything will be perfect
and bickering can be expected, no matter how closely you adhere to the previously
listed tips. There may also be times of frustration, which is a typical part of group
work. However, now you have some strategies to contribute to a smoother and more
successful group collaboration effort — it’s not precisely perfection, but you will be
making efforts towards marked improvements.
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How to Network Eectively
(Without Looking Like a
Thirsty Leech)
A common question, especially familiar to fourth-year students, is “What are your
plans after graduating? ” As young adults on the brink of starting a promising career
or more academic pursuits you may realize that kicking back at home for the summer,
binging on Netix, is, sadly no longer an appropriate response. Well, rest assured, after
reading this section, you will be one step closer to being on your way to the successful
career path that you are hoping for. Networking happens to be a key piece in that
process.
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What in the World is Networking?
Networking. A term that is daunting, intimidating and commonly misinterpreted.
Let’s start by rst demystifying the myths behind networking. Many of us network
every day without even knowing it! This is simply the act of developing professional
relationships with individuals. Information can be exchanged in unexpected situations
and at times in informal ways. Needless to say, this does not give you the freedom to
show up in gym shorts to the work place and request to speak to the hiring manager.
Professionalism is always essential and depending on the person you network with, it
should be adjusted to their unique preferences.
The Humanity Behind the Network
Mentioning your sudden interest in art to your studio design professor is just as
effective at creating a network as asking your uncle about his nursing career path.
Remember, it’s important that networking consists of letting others know you are
interested in exploring a career—it is not asking for a job. The end goal is to create
a network, big or small, of likeminded individuals who may assist you in further
dening your professional career path. Even if your Uncle Mark can mass email your
resume to the managers of Google, you want to make those personal contacts yourself.
Like all relationships, networking is a two-way deal. Be aware that as you are adding
individuals to your professional network, they are adding you to theirs! It’s not only
about what others can do for you, but also what you may be able to someday contribute
to them in return.
Remember, it’s important that networking
consists of letting others know you’re
interested in exploring a career—it is not
asking for a job.
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So, What’s Next?
Remember, networking is not a speed date nor are you trying to impress anyone you
hope to integrate into your circle of professionals. Think of it more as a relationship-
building exercise where you are free to explore options and meet individuals who can
help guide you in elds of interest. Here are a few helpful tips on how to start your
networking journey:
Identify your current network
Brainstorm two lists. Identify leads on both lists who could potentially provide useful
information to you
• Your professional organizations, clubs, sports teams, supervisors from work
and internships, referrals from parents, professors/instructors and advisers
• Fields of interest (e.g., health, law, counseling)
Expand your network
• One-on-one: Contact professionals individually by telephone, email,
LinkedIn or Facebook
• Networking events: Meet contacts at career fairs, on-campus recruitment
information sessions and events hosted by on- or off-campus clubs/professional
organizations
Develop and practice your pitch
A pitch is a 30-second introduction of yourself that showcases your
skills, shares your interests and lets people learn more about your goals.
Include in your pitch:
• Your name
• UC Davis
• Major
• Interests and skills relevant to your eld of interest
• Career goals.
Remember, your pitch should be both professional and personable (show off that fabulous
personality of yours!) to build an effective relationship with the professional.
Develop a networking tracking system
Create an Excel sheet or similar log to keep track of individuals you meet as you begin
your career exploration journey.
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Maintain contact with your network throughout your career
• Send a thank you after meeting with professionals.
• Email your contacts intermittently to maintain your relationship -
whether it’s to drop a “hello,” ask for advice or provide an update on yourself.
• If appropriate, ask a professional to be a long-term mentor.
In summary, networking is composed of simply letting others know you’re interested
in a particular eld. From contacting professionals via LinkedIn to going to career
fairs, you can denitely expand your network and pitch yourself and your interests.
Remember to keep track of who you contact since networking can lead to long-lasting
professional relationships. Keep in mind to be yourself and express your passion
vibrantly—and be pleasantly surprised about the wonderful opportunities to come.
Special thanks to Bernadette Lagman, Liberal Arts and Business Student Adviser,
Internship and Career Center who contributed to this content.
page 23
Talking to Professors
and Supervisors
Developing relationships with one of the higher-ups may seem intimidating to some,
especially without much prior experience interacting with individuals of authority.
Whether your supervisor is a graduate student, faculty member or other professional
staff, here are some tips to help navigate through these relationships.
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1. Good Communication
Successfully managing your relationship with your supervisor requires that you
have a good understanding of your supervisor’s role and of yours, particularly work
and communication styles. Once you are aware of what may impede or facilitate
communication with your boss, you can take actions to improve your relationship.
You can usually establish a way of working together that ts both of you and is
characterized by unambiguous, mutual expectations and makes both of you more
productive and effective on the job.
2. Tone of your relationship
Some degree of professionalism is still needed — a super relaxed environment may be
fantastic at rst, but once critical assessments roll out, the change may come as a shock.
3. Professional Approach
You will have responsibilities, so independence and accountability are expected.
However, maintain openness to your supervisor’s ideas and suggestions — make sure
to consider other opinions, even if they seem like they may clash with your own
thoughts at rst.
What else does a supervisor want to see or value? This answer will vary from one
individual to the next. However, here’s a tidbit to think about:
“I appreciate the little things, such as when you respect my time by not being late...
when you ask why and have a level of curiosity for what you do...when you have the
attitude of wanting to learn and expand your mind beyond what is strictly needed.”
-Anonymous
page 25
Connecting with Faculty
A question and answer with Dr. Susan Keen on letters of recommendation for medical,
graduate and other professional schools
Q: What times are faculty most free to get to know me?
A: I suggest ofce hours, before and after class. You can also make appointments;
sometimes email works. Keep in mind, though, that email is not enough...that face-
to-face interaction is important. You should always be prepared by knowing what
the faculty member researches and a bit about their recent work. If you don’t know
how to nd the recent research, ask the library folks to teach you to use the science
databases such as BIOSIS [for professors or faculty in the biological sciences].
Q: What’s being a professor/faculty like, and how can I as a
student be respectful of the faculty’s time and experiences?
A: Here’s our background: We, as faculty have a somewhat high-stress environment.
Academia is incredibly competitive, and it can be draining. Naturally, we are
concerned about time management, so it would be fantastic for students to take this
into consideration. We also love to talk about our subject and about science
in general - we’ve spent many years in our areas, after all.
Q: How much time in advance should I ask for a letter of
recommendation?
A: Minimum one month. The ideal would be a few months ahead.
Q: What is a piece of advice you have for students looking to
develop strong relationships with faculty?
A: There are no dividing lines in this life. You’re creating an impression continuously,
and connections [for your future] can be made with anybody at any time so keep
your mind open for opportunities to connect. For example, TAs can get to know
you much better than faculty can, and faculty may ask their TAs to describe their
impressions to add to the letter they are writing. A TA knows if a student is serious,
whether the student asks good questions in lab, whether the student comes prepared
and works hard or always leaves early, etc.
page 26
Social Media and
Relationships
Social media has a large presence in our daily lives. Students are seldom seen without
their phones in hand, where social media is omnipresent in the form of Facebook,
Instagram, Snapchat and more. Online interaction helps us connect and organize our
lives, and many people benet from the connection and information that social media
platforms provide us. Although these interactions are not in person, they still carry
emotional and psychological weight, and have real effects on relationships. Many
students will nd that certain aspects of online interaction such as high frequency and
visibility can present unique social challenges. Here are some guidelines and tips to
keep your social media presence fun, safe and positive:
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Represent yourself well. The Internet is not a private space, but within the realms of
our personal social media accounts, that can often be forgotten. Even with privacy
settings, content can be leaked or spread easily. Present yourself online as you would
in person—you never know who may see it someday (such as your boss or potential
employers...shudder)!
Be selective. Having more online contacts may seem like the better option, but ltering
your friends and followers keeps you safe from potential negative interactions. Keeping
your online social circles limited to individuals you care about and value not only keeps
you safe, but also enhances and develops your friendships further.
Play around with settings. Whether you’re blocking certain users, silencing
notications, or personalizing your feed, make sure to take full advantage of all privacy
settings. If your online prole is too public, it can leave you vulnerable to security
risks.
Minimize negativity. Studies have shown that malicious comments are more common
online compared to face-to-face interactions. Be thoughtful about what you say
and minimize any negativity that you may nd on your social media platforms by
monitoring comments.
Additionally, be mindful of how certain online postings may affect friends and family
who see it.
Take a break. Social media shouldn’t replace the time you spend with your friends
and family. Let yourself put aside the online world from time to time!
Many individuals will put their best face on social media and tend not to highlight
the challenges they may be facing on a day-to-day basis. Keep this in mind when
browsing through media content and comparing yourself to what you are reading
and seeing.
“A reason we struggle with insecurity:
We’re comparing our behind-the-scenes
with everyone else’s highlight reel.”
~Steven Furtick, New York Times Bestselling Author
page 28
Relationships with Family
College is often a space where you spend less time with the individuals who nurtured
you for most of your life. Throughout college, many students struggle to renegotiate
the relationships they have with their families, particularly their parents, guardians
or siblings who may live in a different place. During this transition, there are several
approaches you can take to help prevent relationship changes from becoming a source
of stress.
page 29
Reach Out
It’s helpful to work out a regular schedule for communicating with your family or other
loved ones, be it a phone call on the same day every week or a bi-weekly email. Sure,
plans occasionally shift, but generally sticking to the schedule will help both you and
your family adjust to new boundaries of your relationship. It will also reassure them
that they are still part of your life while allowing you greater independence. And, as
time goes on, you may nd yourself renegotiating the frequency of communication as
you start to feel more condent and skilled at living away from home.
A Note on Homesickness
Homesickness may happen early in the transition to college. It is both unpleasant and
normal. Family and friends may have previously been very involved in your life, and
suddenly having a hole where they used to be can understandably create feelings of
sadness. You can seek new activities or make new social connections on campus, such
as joining a student club, to help mitigate homesickness. The feeling will pass, but
maintaining a variety of support systems and creating new connections are important.
For further assistance on how to combat homesickness, visit the Student Health and
Counseling Services (SHCS) website at shcs.ucdavis.edu/topics/homesickness
You Have Options
College is the time to continue developing resilience, to learn how to be self-reliant
and have the condence to successfully tackle life issues. Each family dynamic is
unique and different and will most likely change during your time in college. However,
these changes are not necessarily negative. Many students, for example, nd that their
relationships with parents or other members of their family improve while they are at
college, since not living in the same space may mean fewer opportunities for conict.
The level of independence you have from your family is still a personal choice — one
that you will be able to tailor to your specic situation and needs over time.
page 30
Harassment
Harassment can occur anywhere and affects a student’s work or learning environment.
It can take both obvious and subtle forms. Sexual harassment is a common type of
harassment that can include repeated unwanted requests for dates, physical contact or
requests to turn a friendship into a sexual or romantic relationship. Issues of general
harassment also extend to situations such as roommate relationships going sour, and
one person perceiving the other’s negative feelings as a potential source of threat. If
you nd yourself facing harassment of any kind, there are several options available to
you:
page 31
Don’t Ignore the Situation
Many students try to ignore harassment because they do not want to create conict or
are afraid of negative consequences if they report it. However, ignoring the situation
rarely ends the unwanted behavior and may allow the behavior to escalate instead.
Know Your Rights
In cases where the harasser is in a position of authority, remember that not only does
university policy prohibit harassment, but also retaliation for reporting it is prohibited.
This means that it is against the university’s policy for a student’s grade or job
to suffer as a result of reporting harassment.
Talk to Someone
Identifying and experiencing harassment can be very confusing as well as stressful. A
good way to cope with such stress is to get support. Students can reach out to family
members, friends, mentors, professors and campus resources. The Harassment and
Discrimination Assistance and Prevention Program (HDAPP) or Ofce of Student
Support and Judicial Affairs (OSSJA) are available to help talk it out, make a report or
connect to additional campus resources for support. Specically for sexual harassment
concerns, students can call HDAPP to make a report of sexual harassment and/or discuss
how to resolve a situation, either by calling the main ofce number or by calling the
anonymous phone line, A-CALL. For concerns about general harassment, students can
contact OSSJA.
If preferred, there are safe, condential places to start like Student Health and
Counseling Services (SHCS) or the Center for Advocacy, Resources and Education
(CARE). Here, you can discuss what you’re experiencing, get support, receive options
regarding reporting and determine if or how you’d like to proceed.
page 32
Condential On-Campus Resources
The Harassment and Discrimination Assistance and Prevention Program
(HDAPP)
• 530-752-2255
Ofce of Student Support and Judicial Affairs (OSSJA)
• 530-752-1128
Student Health and Counseling Services (SHCS)
• 530-752-2349
Center for Advocacy, Resources and Education (CARE)
• 530-752-3299
Women’s Resources and Research Center (WRRC)
• 530-752-3372
Ofce of the Ombuds
• 530-219-6750
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex and Asexual
Resource Center (LGBTQIA)
• 530-752-2452
Condential Off-Campus Resources
Empower Yolo
• 530-661-6336
Women Escaping a Violent Environment
• 916-920-2952
My Sister’s House
• 916-428-3271
The above resources are available if you or
somebody you know is experiencing harassment.
This is a serious issue and we hope that these
resources can assist in harassment situations
that may arise or are occurring.
page 33
The How to Support a Friend series is a tool to guide individuals who are supporting
a friend and/or going through a situation that they are nding difcult to navigate.
Through these resources, the Women’s Resources and Research Center (WRRC)
offers insight into ways to open up conversations about challenging topics, ways to be
supportive and on-campus and community resources. The subjects covered in the How
to Support a Friend series include:
• Sexual Assault
• Facing Depression
• Unplanned Pregnancy
• Disordered Eating
• Sexual Harassment
• Abusive Relationships
• Suicidal Thoughts
• Low Self Esteem
• Stalking Situations
• Additional topics covered
at the WRRC
Regardless of whether you are just starting a conversation with an acquaintance, have
been a support person to a friend or family member for a while, or are looking for
resources yourself, the How to Support a Friend series can be a useful resource for
anyone that is seeking support. Visit the Women’s Resources and Research Center
(North Hall, 1st Floor) to grab a couple of topics for you or your friends!
How to Support a Friend
page 34
For International Students
Upon Arrival
What are your initial thoughts? Excited? Nervous? You experience many new things
when coming to another country. One of them is the process of developing relationships
with peers. Navigating different cultures and values can be confusing, but here’s a
breakdown of the challenges you may face when making friends.
Challenges When Connecting in the United States
Differences in expectations when making friends, a lack of a shared background and
language barriers are often seen as signicant barriers to friendships. However, current
research says that “exposure to new values, attitudes and behavior patterns is not
necessarily debilitating...the experience can be transformative.”
page 35
Coconuts and Peaches
Below is a chart that illustrates social interaction differences between people in the
U.S. and individuals in many other cultures. These differences can also be illustrated
comparing a peach versus a coconut. The coconut’s hard exterior represents the
numerous cultures that value an initial, formal relationship before developing it into
a close friendship. The peach’s soft exterior represents how easy it is to become
acquainted with an individual who follows American customs. However, the peach
contains a hard interior, meaning it can be more difcult to establish a close friendship
in the American culture.
Reach Out
Take advantage of the many resources and social groups around campus! The Global
Ambassador Program, International House and International Student Club can be great
ways to start, and nding and taking part in some of more than 700 student clubs via
the Center for Student Involvement is another great option. A simple “hello” around
campus can work as well—no need to worry about your English.
There may sometimes be frustration and misunderstandings along the way. This is
completely normal. Making friends takes time! It is important to recognize this and to
keep yourself open to new opportunities to make friends.
Resources for International Students
Services for International Studentts and Student Scholars
• siss.ucdavis.edu/
X
X
X
X
X
X
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Resources
Student Health and Counseling Services:
shcs.ucdavis.edu
Appointments: 530-752-2349
24/7 After-Hours Counseling Services: 530-752-2349
24/7 Student Health Advice Nurse: 530-752-2349
Primary Care Clinic: Primary Care Provider (PCP)
A PCP assigned to every registered student coordinates continuous primary care
throughout your UC Davis enrollment. Your PCP can help address stress, sleep,
sexual health, physical activity level and other general wellness needs through
assessment, treatment and referral to campus and community resources.
Counseling Services*: shcs.ucdavis.edu/services/counseling
• Individual Counseling
• Group Counseling (groups include men’s, women’s, Black, Latina, LGBTQIA,
survivors of sexual trauma and more).
• Stress and Wellness Clinic
• Mind Spa
• Referrals to on-campus and community resources
Health Education and Promotion: shcs.ucdavis.edu/hep
• Offers information and resources on a variety of topics including sexual health,
stress, sleep and wellness, alcohol and other drugs.
Other Campus Resources
Campus Recreation and Unions: cru.ucdavis.edu, 530-752-1730
Fitness, wellness and recreation programs through facilities and programming.
Center for Advocacy Resources and Education*:
care.ucdavis.edu/, 530-752-3299
Condential crisis intervention and victim advocacy including:
• Navigating options, rights and resources
• Hospital, law enforcement and/or court accompaniment
• Advocacy for academic assistance and/or reporting violations to Student Judicial
Affairs
Captain Awkward: captainawkward.com
• Advice on how to manage stressful social situations
• Scripts for dealing with difcult conversations
Davis Wiki: daviswiki.org
Unocial Survival Guide to UC Davis:
daviswiki.org/ Unocial_Survival_Guide_to_UC_Davis
• Provides advice on topics such as stress, social support and relationships
Cross Cultural Center: ccc.ucdavis.edu, 530-752-4287
Harassment and Discrimination Assistance and Prevention
Program*: hdapp.ucdavis.edu, 530-752-2255
• Offers anonymous A-CALL line that students can use to discuss
their situation and options
• Students can call and report harassment
Internship and Career Center: icc.ucdavis.edu,
530-752-2855
Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Queer, Intersex, Asexual
Resource Center*: lgbtqia.ucdavis.edu, 530-752-2452
Legal Services: asucd.ucdavis.edu/units/legal-services/,
530-752-1990
• Provides a free, 15 minute consultation with an attorney
Mediation Services: ombuds.ucdavis.edu/index.html,
530-219-6750
• Conict management for faculty, staff and graduate students
Student Housing: housing.ucdavis.edu, 530-752-2033
Oce for Student Support and Judicial Aairs: sja.ucdavis.edu,
530-752-1128
• Report misconduct, sexual harassment and/or stalking
Student Recruitment and Retention Center: srrc.ucdavis.edu,
530-754-6836
Women’s Resources and Research Center*: wrrc.ucdavis.edu,
530-752-3372
*Condential resources
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