The Arse Turns (after 1 Corinthians 12)

My arsehole is beginning
 to cause me some grief
 (arseholes can do that).
 He’s found his voice and
 he’s biting back with an
 increasingly entitled air.

 And the eye cannot
 say unto the hand,
 I have no need of thee.

 He quotes St Paul at me
 (arseholes can do that),
 reminding me that there's
 a special kind of honour in
 the more uncomely places;
 those special, hidden parts.

 Nor again the
 head to the feet,
 I have no need of thee.

 He will tell me, when we
 are shopping, that, after all
 these years of unseen, loyal
 service, he deserves the best:
 luxury; fragranced; three-ply;
 aloe-vera-moistened tissue.

 And whether one member suffer,
 all the members suffer with it;
 or one member be honoured,
 all the members rejoice with it.

 I don’t believe him.

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